Home Alone: Christmas Eve Afternoon
by Scotty Dangerously
Summary: This Dog Day Afternoon parody takes place in Christmas 2011. It's about Marv and Harry doing a robbery at Duncan's Toy Chest to buy a trip to London for the Winter Olympics of early 2012. Though, the Olympics would take place during Summer 2012 in real life. This is no follow-up to Home Alone: Final Destination. It's just another HA story.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 - The Robbery Begins**

***"Jingle Bells Rock" plays while the credits begin and start showing the sceneries of Christmas celebration in New York City***

***As the song and credits end, this movie would start with Marv and Harry smuggling their shotguns into Duncan's Toy Chest and hiding in gingerbread houses***

Little did Kevin know that Marv and Harry are hiding in the toy store, Kevin started browsing and shopping around.

Meanwhile, Marv and Harry started to spy on Kevin. Then, they chose to discuss with each other about how they are gonna hold Kevin hostage and rob the toy store without getting arrested.

"Ok Marv," explained Harry, "Here's how it's gonna go. Are you listening?"

"Yes, Harry," responded Marv.

"You see that kid buying toys and shit?"

"Yeah"

"There was this one time when he was in Chicago making a donation to 7-Eleven, and he was given two turtle doves. He kept one and gave the other to this one old guy."

"So what's the point, Harry?"

"I believe that he's gonna make a donation to that guy named Mr. Duncan at the cash register and once again receive two turtle doves. Once we hear the words 'turtle doves,' that's when we pop out of our hideout and begin the robbery."

"So what are we gonna steal, Harry?"

"We're gonna steal all the money that's been locked up in that big-ass chest. It's gonna be enough for us to take a plane to London to go on vacation, especially to see the Winter Olympics."

"That's sounds like a great idea. Maybe we could steal the crowned jewels from London, too."

"Fuck that London robbery for now, Marv. What I want the most is to get our asses out of this country before the cops beat the shit outta us and lock us up for an awful long time."

"Whatever you say, Harry."

"Remember, Marv. We have to hear the words 'turtle doves' before we begin the robbery."

"Alright, Harry. We'll wait to hear 'turtle doves'"

Meanwhile, Kevin arrived in front of Mr. Duncan with a bunch of toys, including two styrofoam Hulk hands and a PSP. Mr. Duncan scanned all the toys.

"That will be $300," announced Mr. Duncan.

Kevin took out the envelope of his dad's stack of money and passed out three $100 bills to Mr. Duncan.

"Oh my," said Mr. Duncan. "Where did you get all that cash?"

"My dad won a big cash prize at the Illinois lottery," responded Kevin, "So my dad gave me some that prize money to me for the holidays, so I can stay out of mischief"

"I see, so where are you and your family spending your Christmas at?"

"At the Plaza Hotel"

"One of the world's most famous hotels. This must be your luckiest Christmas ever."

"For sure it is."

"And all that money this store gets from selling the toys is donated to The Children's Hospital."

"In that case, I'm gonna give you an extra $100. I would hate to see those sick children die away."

Kevin gave the $100 donation to Mr. Duncan.

"That was very sweet of you," said Mr. Duncan, "Now here's what I like for you to have."

Mr. Duncan picked up a pair of turtle doves from the little Christmas tree on the counter and passed them to Kevin.

"These are two turtle doves,' explained Mr. Duncan, "What you get to do with the is keep one to yourself while give give the other to-"

Suddenly, Marv and Harry busted out of their hideouts with shotguns in their hands.

"Nobody fucking move," yelled Harry, "This is a stick-up. Now everybody, get the fuck on the ground and nobody gets hurt, especially you women and children."

All the customers and employees got on the ground, except Kevin and Mr. Duncan. Harry grabbed Kevin by the arm.

"Hi ya pal," said Harry, "Nice of you to drop in and shop"

"Yeah kid," sarcastically said Marv, "We're so happy to see you, we wish you were dead"

Harry pointed his shotgun at Mr. Duncan and put an empty gym bag onto the counter, while Marv pointed his shotgun at Kevin.

"Into the bag," demanded Harry, "Or Marv kills the kid."

"Yes, sir," stuttered Mr. Duncan.

Mr. Duncan unlocked the money chest and crammed all that money into the gym bag. Then, Mr. Duncan passed the bag of money to Harry.

"Come on, Marv," demanded Harry, "We gotta get outta here before they call the cops on us. And take the kid with."

"Yes, Harry," responded Marv, "And I know we got a plane to catch."

As Marv and Harry were walking towards the front doors with the kid and the stolen money, they saw a bunch of police cars parked in front of the toy store.

The police chief put a bullhorn to his mouth and said "This is the police. We got this store surrounded and we got the SWAT team on the roof with their sniper rifles. Let go of the kid and the money, and come out of the toy store with your hands up."

"What the fuck are we gonna do, Harry?" complained Marv.

"I don't know, Marv," complained Harry, "But I really have a bad feeling about this. We have got to find a way to escape the fuck outta this shit."

"I can't believe you guys would steal money that belongs to those sick kids," said Kevin.

"Shut the fuck up, kid," yelled Harry, "Or I'll shoot a big hole through your head."

Marv suddenly snuck Kevin's plane ticket back to Chicago out of Kevin's pocket, and tore it up.

"Looks like planes don't take you to the Promised Land," said Marv. "Because we're gonna steal all this money and kidnap you to London."

"But my parents will be worried about me," cried Kevin.

"Who cares?" said Harry. "If you stick with us, we won't have to kill you."

_Could Kevin really be kidnapped by Marv and Harry? Will he ever stop those bad guys from committing the crimes before they kill him? Will he ever get in touch with his family who is in Miami and have them meet him in New York? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: Christmas Eve Afternoon"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - Hostages at Duncan's Toy Chest**

Marv and Harry locked the front doors of the toy store and told the hostages to remain in the store. Suddenly, they noticed a woman holding hands with her five-year-old son.

"Mommy," cried the boy, "I need to go to the bathroom."

Harry picked up the trash can and threw it on the floor.

"You wanna take a shit, kid?" yelled Harry, "Do it in this trash can."

The woman slapped Harry on the face and said, "You don't ever swear in front of little kids, especially my little boy."

"You wanna shut up, lady?" snapped Harry.

"Harry, I think this old man knows where the bathroom is," said Marv.

Mr. Duncan came to the woman and her son and said, "Ma'am, I'll take you and your son to the bathroom."

"Hold on, old man," demanded Harry, "I'll follow you, and then inspect the bathroom so nobody does anything stupid."

Harry followed Mr. Duncan with the mother and son to the public family restroom. Harry went inside the restroom to make sure that neither the woman nor the child would attempt escape the store.

"Okay, old man," said Harry, "That kid is good to go number two."

The mother took her son inside the restroom and locked the door.

Harry and Mr. Duncan returned to the front counter and turned on the TV. Suddenly, they noticed the robbery and hostage situation has become a breaking news report. Kevin also noticed that his credit card fraud has been reported from the Plaza Hotel.

"So, Mr. Hector," the reporter asked the concierge, "Where did you last see Kevin McCallister?"

"Well," responded Mr. Hector, "He was hopping on a limousine at this hotel entrance this morning, and he was having some pizza for breakfast as that limo drove away from here to the toy store."

"So, Mrs. Stone," the reporter asked the desk clerk, "How would a kid cleverly use a credit card to check himself into a hotel room?"

"Well," responded Mrs. Stone, "Kevin had a credit card, a reservation, and a convincing story."

"What convincing story?" asked the reporter.

"A story about how his father Peter McCallister would leave him at this hotel," answered Mrs. Stone. "But now we're worried sick about this kid being held hostage."

Meanwhile, Peter, Kate, and their kids in the McCallister family also noticed this entire breaking news report in Miami.

"Kevin," said Kate, "Thank God you're alive."

"But how can he get away with using my credit card? asked Peter.

"I'm sure he was doing it because he was scared," answered Kate, "He is not a troublemaker."

Buzz came out of the hotel bathroom with his hand on his stomach.

"Anybody got some Pepto-Bismol?" asked Buzz.

"You wouldn't have diarrhea if you didn't eat too many chalupas from Taco Bell," said Jeff.

"Shut the fuck up, Jeff," snapped Buzz.

"All of you quiet down and listen up," commanded Peter, "Those escaped prisoners named Marv and Harry, who were caught by Kevin this one other time, are holding Kevin hostage at Duncan's Toy Chest in New York City. We better pack up and catch a plane to that city, so we can save Kevin."

"Now, I'm even more worried about Kevin," complained Kate, "Because I fear that he may get killed."

"Don't worry, dear," said Peter, "We'll get to New York as soon as we can this evening."

As the news report ended on the TV at Duncan's Toy Chest, the TV resumed back to its programming of Spongebob Squarepants. Harry got irritated and shut off the TV.

"That's not fair, Harry," complained Marv, "I wanted to watch Spongebob."

"Spongebob is for five-year-olds, ya nitwit," said Harry.

The woman returned with the little boy from the bathroom and the little boy shouted, "I wanna watch Spongebob!"

"Nobody is gonna watch any TV at all," yelled Harry, "Because all Marv and I wanna do is figure out how to take the goddamn money and get the hell outta here before the cops put us in jail."

"Harry," said Mr. Duncan holding up the phone, "The phone's for you. It's Detective Dan."

Harry came to Mr. Duncan, and grabbed the phone.

"Hello detective," said Harry.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Detective Dan.

"Because Marv and I have broke outta prison and we want to leave this country."

"Why do you want to leave this country?"

"Because we don't wanna go back to prison. We want two passports and two plane tickets to London. It is such a lovely place to hang around in, especially to see the Winter Olympics 2012."

"Now listen up. If you just let all the hostages out of the toy store, we will cause you no harm. And maybe we can give you what you want."

"Then, I'll make you a deal. If you order some pizza and Pepsi from Fat Tony's to be delivered to the toy store, Marv and I will let one mother and her five-year-old son out of the toy store."

"It's a deal, boss."

"So every single thing you give to Marv and I, especially passports, we will let a hostage or two outta the store."

"Understood, sir."

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

_Will Marv and Harry let out all the hostages before any of those hostages, especially Kevin, get killed? Will Kevin live to be forgiven for credit card fraud? Will the McCallisters make it to New York before Kevin gets killed? Stay tuned for the next chapter of "Home Alone: Christmas Eve Afternoon."_


End file.
